A Whole New World

i'm starting fresh.
http://lovemusicpeace-ayzhang.blogspot.com/

:)

today, right now

today, i was told i dont care about anyone.
today, i was told i hate everyone except myself.
today, i was told i am always angry at people.
today, i was told i am very selfish.
today, i was told i never think about what others feel.
today, i was told i just dont really give a damn about my family.
today, i was told i dont treat my parents as human beings.
today, i was told i dont treat human beings as human beings.
today, i was told i dont bother with people unless i need them to do something for myself.
today, i was told i only care about my computer.
today, i was told i hate people.

today, i cried.

yesterday, i thought about how grateful and happy i am with life.

days before, i promised not to cry and think about happy things.

but today, i felt that nothing like yesterday and the days before happened.

days before, i promised not to ask myself who i am what i love what i hate what i need what i care because amy zhang isn't like that.

but today, i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what i do anymore. i dont know where i am anymore.

today, i cried again.
today, i heart burned again.
today, i wish like drowning again.
today, i lost my destination again.


do i love ? do i care ? do i smile ? do i wonder ? do i appreciate ? do i respect ?

today, i found myself asking once again like those years before;
why do you doubt that ?
why would you doubt it so much that you would discuss it with others ?
why would the only person who knows me like a transparent glass would doubt that ?
why would you think that i treat people like nothing. as if they were fallen paper, trampled on and thrown aside.

today, i walked away, feeling numb, in silence, my head swirling in the pit dark.
only replying unclearly, unknowingly and then setting more oil to the fire.
as the sparks fly,

today,

i once again walked away and looked outside calmly as if nothing happened.

but once again, my head exploded with pain, with images, with all you said, stabbing me harder and more painful than that of a knife.

today, your yelling, your screams, your blames, your profanities, again, numbed me and broke me.


i no longer get angry anymore. i no longer feel frustrated anymore. i no longer push the blame on you anymore. i no longer feel anymore. except for this lump in my throat and the tears.

everything else is just a black void.


you ask me if i am even still human.
i ask you, does this feel human ?

whisks

omgosh ! i just realized that cats have EYELASHES :O
well they're actually just like whiskers but above their eyes
its so cool i just discovered something new ahaha

so ya right now im doing my english homework
and BOTH of my cats are sleeping on my lap
well, Franks like totally sleeping and out of it
but Salsa (which is the first time of her ever having contact with me)
is still wide alert and not sleeping.

i also realized that Frank likes to chew on his tail O_O

kittayz

i just found out that apparently SALSA'S OLDER ?
okay then... welll.... i wish someone told me THAT before.

anyways, frank is terrified of loud things like vacuums and chainsaws.
while salsa's like sitting there like watever, chilling..
frank runs under a bed, hides for 30+ minutes before coming out.

frank doesn't respond to his name
but salsa does ? (says my dad who's cat paranoid/obssessed/naggy LOL)
so they decided to change the names altogether

frank = Silver Mountain (in Chinois)
salsa = Gold Mountain (in Chinois)

Silver Mt = Yin Shan 银山
Gold Mt = Jin Shan 金山

Yin Shan 银山 = Silver
Jin Shan 金山 = Safron
(cuz Gold just sounds retarded)
(sorry to those who call their cats Gold S: )

well idk.. i think im gonna stick to frank and salsa
i was never good or cared about names so meh :b

digi to the pigi

okay so the title was lame watever.
anyways so there's this thing called "frame"
in digital photography, im taking it.
and i dont get it at all.
dont really know how to capture "leading lines" either

pretty much cant do anything that good.
i just can't see something put it some where and make it ART.
its just not me. i can't get it at all

maybe im expecting too much of myself
maybe i just suck which is more true
or maybe my friends are just great at digi pg


and im not.

so i'm trying to figure it out
sometimes inspiration comes
i get a slight idea of how it is
but when i actually go and take it,
dont know how, end up capturing bleh
let's just say im not all too happy about it
hopefully that'll change.
i wanna pro cam.
i find my own digi cam kinda ...
inadequate. but then again,
the camera is only an instrument
depending on its user,
to create masterpieces.


and in my case... the user is kinda retarded LOL...

man it up

mood swings are okay.
idc much bout them
and im cool with it all.
but honestly,
try to keep ourselves
in check.

take in it out
once in a while
is understandable
but continuously ?
dude.. puh-lease.

man it up.

accustom

moved. everything went upside down.
its a mess. cant find stuff
clothes MIA, shoes MIA, instrument pieces MIA,
little pieces MIA, my personal belongings MIA
like my life fell out into pieces physically
and now i dont know where everything is
practise and training schedules gone awry.
(is that a word ? meeh..)
hopefully next week i can put myself back together
i tried to sing, but too much echo and i can't hear myself
end up straining everything that comes out and not noticing
hmwk explosion coming my way and still going
its cold, its weird, its echo-ie, its dull.

its my new ghetto / hobo life.

moving

im moving into the middle of nowhere..
i dont wanna leave my condo :(
like we sold our condo to go live in our NEW house
but then the new house wasn't fully built yet
but we sold our condo already so...
mmmgh ! we have to go live in a shabby house.
actually i dont mind it that much
its just that it's in the middle of NOWHERE
well not really but its hard to get on a bus
its gonna take FOREVER to get to school :'(
i have to wake up so early noooww~~!

off tracks

this week was bad. didn't follow my schedule at all.
improvements ? i can sing stand up for love more powerfully.
stability ? went down so bad :(
i also found this new amazing korean song..
its called Superwoman by Sunmin. she's absolutely amazing.
and i sent in my jyp application. i'll send my sm one in tmrw..
so late, too much hmwk :(

this was just not my week ... ~!

html codes

i have them :)
well actually my friend gave them to me
when i have time, i'll be playing around with some.
so its gonna be pretty ugly around here some times..

schedule for practises.

Monday
-school ; 2:45
-work ; 4-8PM
-sing ; to 9PM
-hmwk while split-ish-ing

Tuesday
-school ; 1:30
-rehearsal ; 1:45-3/3:30
-no rehsal ; sleep
-work ; 5-7PM
-sing ; 8-9PM
-hmwk ; 9-10PM
-warm-up-10min, stretch-10min, run-15min, cool-down-5min, stretch-10min
-shower
-more hmwk

Wednesday
-school ; 2:45
-gym ; 4-5:30PM
-bassoon ; 6PM
-sing (dinner) ; 6-7:45PM
-hmwk

Thursday
-school ; 1:30
-rehearsal ; 1:45-3/3:30
-gym ; 1.5hr
-sing ; 1hr
-hmwk
-bassoon
-more hmwk

Friday
-school ; 2:45
-art class ; 6PM
-gym.dance only ; 7-8
-sing ; 1hr
-bassoon ; 30min
-hmwk

Saturday
-korean school
-vocal lessons
-math class
-sing
-dance lessons
-sing
-hmwk
-bassoon
-hmwk (?)

Sunday
(church 9-10:30/10:45-12)
-gym 1.5hr
-ajsdlkfjalksdjfl
-hmwk (?)
-sing
-hmwk
-bassoon
-asjdfkasjdlf
-sleep


ya, so basically i have no life for the next 50 days.. T_T
but i have to do this if i wanna get wat i want.

hair cut :)

new haircut. i got it at a chinese place.
i think the boss is a Korean lady.
the last time i went there she was an employ and she cut my hair for me.
and now the hair people she hired were ALL guys.
and then one who cut my hair was actually REALLY GORGEOUS LOL
and ya, it was great haha

but like its not... well its layered but the layers are straight.
so when i tie my hair up you can literally SEE the STRAIGHT CUT.
i need to trim that some time. yes, i do trim my own hair.
it's cool cuz im talented liek that. but anyways, pretty guy.
he was kinda jaejoong-ish. at first i was like meh.. and hten after 10 minutes.. :)
lol.. well, i'll post pics later.

SM & JYP AUDITIONS

like a prayer from God -- no ! a blessing from God !
SM and JYP are coming to MEE ~ !
im soo happy. im going to church tmrw to praise Him.
SM is coming 50 days from now and JYP, 52.
im so happy. gonna practise so hard now.
im gonna sing EVERYDAY. run EVERYDAY.
dance EVERYDAY. stretch EVERYDAY.
my goal is to be FIT and beautiful and be able to do the SPLITS in 50 days.
woot woot. let's do this.

'y'know ! dats bariety ! we archi all lee. i'm baby AYZ ;)
boy you jus wanna shake it widuhna lub watcha are doing huh ?
you ready now. listen up'

does ANYONE know what baby j's saying in the italisized parts ?
lol.. i love her. she's just too cool. and the konglish is just the HIGHLIGHT of it.

heartbreaker cries

my cat keeps crying ? why ?
its making me sad. i think its hungry ?
but .. it ate already.. i dont want it to barf again.
aww. wat do i do ? i dont wanna bring it to the vet.
its gonna like cost me $50 =/ mmgh !

Frank & Salsa

MY CATS ARE HERE !! they are so cute and adorable and aren't scary AT ALL. i love them with all my heart right now. the suite smells like pee but im getting used to it LOL

Salsa is like really shy. she was like crying when we picked her up. she was so scared and .. aaaw ~~ i feel saaad. and she just kept crying and crying. and she ran into my room and curled up in the dark corner with my clothes. the poor thing. but its so cute.

Frank is more of a.. 'man' so to say. he's probably not all that happy but he's just walking around, getting used to our suite. so cute.

i think im gonna seirously gonna love them. my sister is like 'attacking' them haha. so much looveee hehe. oh and made a mistake. SALSA is the BLACK ONE. and FRANK is the WHITE ONE. :D